Hughes Air West- The Top Banana in the West?

Hughes Air West- The Top Banana in the West? Grounded by a drunken Monkey?

It wasn’t long before I began to dread particular calls or to be more precise locations. I had many but for argument sake I’ll narrow it down to just three. The airport being one with High Schools a close second and the third none other than Bay Meadows Race Track because of my phobia of horses or livestock in general? On this morning I was just about to finish my forth donut while parked in the shade out in front of Rolling Pin Donut’s in San Bruno when my dispatcher who delighted in interrupting my mornings radioed the following, “ Larry, put down the donut and get your fat “Bleep” over to Hughes Air West, a monkey escaped from one of their jet’s holding area and is now loose inside the plane”. I’ve been to the airport numerous times for stray dogs on the runways, birds in the hangers, exotic mammals and reptiles and fish held in transit or left on the tarmac from all over the world it just like a regular Doctor Doolittle menagerie.

With security nothing like it is today (Kids, back then America was still a free country?) I met with San Francisco Airport Police and followed them to the jets location. Standing outside of the jet were several members of the cleaning crew angered over the shut down. One rather plus side women was the first to express her displeasure in the delay, “ there’s a gorilla in there, and he pulled my hair”. Another worker claimed the monkey grabbed a pack of cigarettes from his shirt pocket and ran into the cockpit with them? Suddenly someone shouted, “There it is, look, look in the window”. Sure enough it was a monkey alright staring straight right at me like we were related? Yes, we did look a lot alike but I didn‘t need to hear this from the cleaning crew. Airport Security filled me in on the details and reported during a layover and in the process of  changing flights the primates shipping container fell from the ramp and opened allowing the monkey to escape. It then ran across two runways and into this jet while it was being serviced and cleaned. 

I know how ornery monkey’s can be when cornered and the closest I’ve ever come to handling one was perhaps an old girlfriend who will remain nameless? I had to show strength, put fear behind me, this was my time to shine so look out monkey, your going down? Before I entered the jet I readied myself for a real fight so with large net in hand and wearing a makeshift bee keepers hood like the ones uses on prisoners in jail when they spit at you. Anyway I know how monkey’s like to throw things especially when a chimpanzee hit my friend in the head with a apple once at the San Francisco Zoo. I climbed the steps and entered the jet and the first thing that little bastard did was throw a magazine at me followed by two empty shot bottles of bourbon. Great, I said to myself it’s been hitting the sauce and seeing double? and then came another magazine this one was torn in half followed by two more empties. “You little lush”,  I said aloud ducking for cover and hiding behind a seat. Before I could move a member of  Airport security slowly opened the cabin door, “Officer”, he said, “ we managed to contact the owner by phone in Hawaii, “Tootsie” is her name and she likes to drink”. I’m not a monkey expect but I did know Tootsie was a Woolly Monkey native of South America that tail of hers acted like another hand. 

Now I wish I could say Tootsie while under the influence of demon rum taxied down the runway and together we landed safely in Hawaii for a round or two of Maui Madness or Mai Tai’s but her tidy fame began to stagger as she reached for another libation from the hostess cart. Seizing the opportunity I charged forward catching Tootsie off guard now seated in first class eating a bag of chips.  Fully expecting a real donnybrook I was surprised when Tootsie reached up and took my hand and together we walked toward her sky carrier one of the security officers slid into the plane a little earlier. Carrying a extra bag of chips and two more shot’s with her tail she unlatched the door herself crawling inside and falling fast asleep. Well I brought the little Woolly back to the shelter for a thorough going over by our veterinarian and she spent the next few days in our recovery ward sleeping it off. It wasn’t long before she was put on another plane and safely reunited with her owners in Hawaii. About three weeks later I received a letter in the mail from Tootsie’s owners that included a photograph. There Tootsie sat on a white sandy beach dotted with palm trees and overlooking a sparkling lagoon. My furry friend was wearing a bright yellow bikini, matching sun hat and sipping on a ice cold coke. Now I can’t be sure that tail of hers wasn’t still holding one of those airline whiskey bottles, but hopefully her drinking days were over?