Little Herman don‘t play that?

Little Herman don‘t play that? Moving into our new home in Redwood City and discovering a young family living in our garden shed was one thing but then they relocated about a month later I thought my troubles were over? It wasn’t long before I began to detect the odor of skunk emitting from under our one hundred plus year old home. Then it dawned on me, was that what  my young Hispanic family was yelling about so early in the morning with words like “Mofeta” and “Diablo” and “Matar” translated to English meant, skunk, devil and kill! And then there were those goats they had with one in particular named,  “Maria”,  now I don’t speak Spanish but it sure sounded like the man of the family was always swearing while wearing a wooden clothespin on his nose when milking time came around every morning? They hadn’t been gone for a week when one afternoon while taking in some rays and enjoying a usual lunch of chips, cookies, diet coke  a couple of candy bars, I looked down at my feet.

There sat a little skunk munching on a couple of chips I dropped. Well this new addition to the household didn’t escaped the evil eye of our cat “Bitty” who at the time was probably planning another murder attempt on my life? She strolled up to the little skunk as if long lost bosom buddies and began to purr. I wasn’t concerned knowing Bitty who was currently vaccinated against rabies and the skunked looked healthy to me. What happened next did surprise me somewhat when Bitty and her new found friend curled up together and fell asleep under the backyard deck. My mind began to race, would Bitty share her murderous plans and ruthless ways with the skunk and enlist him in playing a role in my demise? After all being tripped down the front steps, pushed off the back porch and almost fried by a curling iron is pretty serious stuff and why would Bitty even think she needed help? I slowly got up and tiptoed into the house careful not to disturb these two who now decided eating was better than sleeping and quietly entered the house making a beeline to Bitty’s food bowl. 

I can’t encourage this kind of relationship develop under my own roof? With Bitty the brains of the outfit and now Little Herman the brawn and loaded to boot! Note: Sporting a flattop hairdo and a high forehead resembling Herman Munster this was the first name that came to mind? My wife didn’t seem bothered with the arrangement as long as Little Herman didn’t enter the bedroom like the goat did late one evening but I still had my doubts. “If he sprays in the house or on me he’s trapped and relocated”, I warned the wife fully knowing my word was law in my castle? Well, apparently Little Herman didn’t get the memo and it wasn’t long before he had his own food bowl and dog bed in the living room and his own private getaway under our bed? This went on without incident for the next couple of years until a highly intoxicated homeless person attempted to enter our backyard unannounced, underdressed and without Little Herman’s permission. The house next-door had been vacant for some time and it appeared to be a stopping over point or homeless hub for the local transits in the area and used as a stash house now and then.

They’d store their meager belongings under the back porch in the morning and return in the evening after a day of panhandling, shakedowns, robbing and stealing you know the under the radar and  everyday stuff? I don’t know if after a hard days work on a hot summer day a pie eyed three sheets to the wind homeless gent mistakenly wandered into the wrong yard but Little Herman less than tolerant of strangers unloaded on him. With three short blasts followed by a direct hit to the face this poor soul cleared a six foot fence in a single leap never to be seen again? It wasn’t until two weeks later I read in the Redwood City Police Blotter that a homeless man insisted to police that a  black and white haired midget sporting a flattop  pepper sprayed him and stole his money, beer and cigarettes?  Little Herman earned his keep that day even if he was just protecting his territory but hanging around Bitty for a couple of years you never know what secrets she shared?