You’ll put you eye out kid

You’ll put you eye out kid? Or PETA starts a food fight. It was late Spring and the birds were flying and the bees were buzzing but when a Hummingbird flew into a nationally known grocery chain outlet for a taste of sweet nectar things took a drastic turn. Birds of all species like to shop if they didn’t how do you explain the numerous requests for help from businesses of all types reporting there’s a bird in my store. In most cases the bird enters through the front door or a opened garage or skylight not to mention the residential fireplace but our little Hummer was attracted to fresh flowers and orchids displayed near the entrance. I met with the store manager a prim and proper school teacher type her hair worn in a beehive bun she snapped her fingers at me and said, “it’s about time”. This was not a good first impression to start our relationship but working with the public is an adventure? “I‘m Miss Stewart she said, “I‘m in charge of daily operations“. Quickly looking up she continued, “We have a dire situation here, our customers as well as my employees are at danger of losing their sight or being severely injured”? Just then the tiny bird flew up and buzzed Miss Stewarts hairdo causing her to instantly cover her eye’s and scream. “That’s it” she again screamed, “that beak, it’s a flying hat pin, did you bring a gun”?  I watched as the little guy fluttered off and disappeared out of sight in the back of the store about the size of Costco. I explained to Miss Stewart that Hummingbirds were far from dangerous and told her they must eat every hour just to survive. I asked her to have her staff monitor the bird which would eventually weaken allowing the opportunity to confine it in a box. Fortunately one of our Wildlife volunteers lived nearby so once contained I would immediately take it to her for a quick recovery. Miss Steward would hear none of this and armed herself with a broom. “I’ll take care of the matter myself”, she ruffed, and began to march to the back of the store in lockstep fashion. “All native birds are federally protected by law Miss Steward”, I said, raising my voice and using a stern tone.  “What would corporate headquarters think with you on the news being lead out in handcuffs”. Miss Steward stopped in her tracks and spun around like a top. “Your name and badge number Sir” her face flushed red and her mouth twitching in anger. Handing my card to Miss Steward who now was grinding and her teeth and double snapped both fingers. I said, “ now please call me when you’ve got him in a box”.  Out of nowhere here once again came Hummer apparently wanting a second go at Miss Steward’s bun. “I’ve had it”, she said and slammed the door to a office that read Manager. As I drove out of the mall I noticed a small band of protesters parked in front of a  pet shop that sold only fish. Some were sleeping on the sideway and covered with their signs while others held signs that read, “ Dolphins are really cool people, Please don‘t eat my Family?” and “ Hey Japan my Mother is a Sperm Whale, Stop Harpooning her?”. I waved at the group in agreement and continued to my next assignment. It wasn’t long before I was dispatched to return back to the grocery store. As I drove up there was Miss Steward standing next to a police officer and holding a small cardboard box. Miss Steward had a patch over her eye and was holding a large bag of ice on her head. My first thoughts were was she right? did little Hummer poke her in the eye? I noticed one of the protesters who held the “ My brother is a Sperm Whale” sign I had seen earlier was now sitting in the back of the patrol car. He was sticking his tongue out at Miss Steward and leaning forward to display his middle finger in her direction. The Officer handed me the box and said, “ Mister protester there caught our store manager attempting to swat at the bird with a broom and took issue. He hit her on the head with a cantaloupe and struck her in the eye with a grapefruit. “It’s all his fault Officer”, snapped Miss Steward as she pointed her chin at me and tightened her lips. “You can just take him to jail as well” she continued and turned away now lost in a in a endless chain of shopping carts. “Well, Miss Steward”, I replied, hoping she was still within hear shot, “sometimes the smallest of things cause the largest of problems.